Our First Christmas

Christmas is fast approaching and I am so thankful to be sitting on our apartment floor writing this. 

Today was supposed to be the last day I saw Zach for 7 months.

He was supposed to have driven Charlotte and I home ten days ago and he was supposed to be getting on a plane to fly back to California today where he would have spent the next two weeks here alone, packing up our apartment before he got on a plane to fly to Afghanistan.

Normally when deployment dates change it is so frustrating, but this time it was a blessing.

His deployment got pushed back (only by a week) so we decided to let his mom use the plane ticket we bought to fly out here and help drive Charlotte and I home to Kansas after he leaves.

Now we get to spend Christmas together!

It is the first Christmas we will spend together with just us for the first time in our marriage. It will also be Charlotte's first Christmas and our first Christmas as a family. 

It is a little sad not being able to join in on the family festivities with my family and Zach's one gillion sisters, nieces, and nephews, but it is exciting at the same time.

We get to start our own family traditions this year. 

Zach is pretty "bah humbug" when it comes to decorations but I talked him into letting us get a tree.

At first it only had three presents under it and then I added Zach's three presents. It was looking a little sparse until our sweet family started surprising us with package after package of wrapped presents.

Now our tree looks like this

Thank you everyone for blessing us so greatly!

This Christmas will be special, one that we never forget.

Charlotte is only 2 months old and wont remember any of this but I am so filled with joy to be able to explain the real reason for Christmas to her.

Its not about presents or the tree, while both of those are fun, Christmas is the day we celebrate the birth of our savior. 

Christmas is the day God had Mary bring His only Son into the world to reconcile all of humanity to Him.

And we get to spend the day together, just the three of us, before Daddy goes to Afghanistan.

What are you thankful for this Christmas?

Let the Sleep Training Begin

While I was pregnant, I read "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.

Well I read most of it anyways. But like most books lately, I never finished it.

I read enough to get the just of it and I was set on following what it taught.

 Of course I knew everything about everything before Charlotte got here. I mean that's usually how it works, right? People without kids know the most about how to raise them...and then they get here and things aren't exactly like expected.

At least that's how it was for me. 

I remember my Doctor talking about how if her last child had been her first she never would have had any more. She said she spent hours on end throughout the night bouncing on her exercise ball because that was the only way her baby would stop crying and go to sleep. She said that she bounced on her ball throughout her third trimester so when her daughter was born, the movement was familiar and soothing to her.

Well I had a lot to say about that (only to Zach though). 

"No wonder her baby was a nightmare...she got her into the habit of needing to be bounced to sleep! If she just would have let her cry and put her in her own bed she would have learned to soothe herself."

Because I knew everything about raising babies before Charlotte got here.

Then she got here...

Insert foot in mouth.

...and I said forget what Gary and Robert said in their book!  They don't know how sad her little face is and how heart wrenching that cry can be!

Seriously, its sad! Who wouldn't want to go grab a baby with a face like that out of her crib when she's crying?

Turns out my doctor was right when she told me that if I bounced on my ball a lot while I was pregnant then Charlotte would love it. I spent my third trimester on that ball bouncing and rolling my hips trying to get her to move down lower into my pelvis.

We came home from the hospital and one night Charlotte just wouldn't stop wailing so we broke out the exercise ball.

And...she stopped...mid cry. As soon as the bouncing started she hushed.

When our family came to visit even they took turns bouncing her.

So we have spent the past two months of our lives on that ball. Bouncing and bouncing.

Until last night.

Around 7 last night Charlotte was fussing and just could not keep her eyes open. So Zach and I decided to swaddle her and put her to bed to try to get her to start going to sleep sooner than 11.

Naturally, she woke up as soon as I laid her down in her bed and started fussing. I started to go into her room to grab her and bounce her to comfort her but Zach stopped me and said we needed to start sleep training her.

I agreed.

Well fussing turned into crying, crying into sobbing, and sobbing became hysterical and oh my goodness I have never had my heart hurt so bad in my life!

I kept saying "but Zach she's sad! She wants me. She just wants me to hold her."

He told me she was fine she just wanted to be bounced to be put to sleep and she needed to learn to soothe herself...sounded like something I thought I knew so much about before she got here.

That went on for about 10 minutes and I went in to check her diaper. She was wet so I changed her. I swaddled her again and I confess I bounced up and down for a few minutes just because I had to for my comfort.

I laid her back down and the hysterics started again.

I tried to eat dinner but just sat there listening to her for what felt like eternity. 

I kept looking at Zach for him to tell me "ok go get her" but he would just shake his head 'no' at me.

Finally the crying stopped.

She did it! She put herself to sleep!

I was still traumatized until Zach pointed out that all it took her was 5 minutes, not the hours it seemed to take.

So we spent the evening just hanging out and doing what every cool couple does-

Rock, Paper, Scissors competition! 

Zach won but I'm convinced he's a cheater somehow.

And Charlotte slept...and slept...and slept.

She woke up at two this morning to eat and have a diaper change and then again at 6 but didn't get up for the day until 8.

I must admit, it was a pretty good go for the first night...

 So now to see if it sticks. It's not that I don't think Charlotte can put herself to sleep, she clearly can.

It's a matter of if I can stay strong enough to let her.

Since Ive Been a Mom

Ive kind of lost my sense of self. 

I feel like this sweet, little bebe and I are one.

And let me tell you, thats not a bad thing.

She's the sweetest, cutest, funniest, best little baby girl that ever existed.

Granted, I could be a little bias.

For the past two months my days and nights have been filled with butt wiping, bathing, feeding, rocking, bouncing, patting, kissing, washing diapers,swaddling, and lots of conversations that go:

"Hiiiiii Charlottttee! Wow that was a nice, big poopie you just made! I bet that feels better! Good job!"

I never thought I would find myself cheering a baby on while she pooped, but here I am doing just that!

Ive also lost my memory.

I started dishes and then the baby woke up...so of course I left the water running.

I forget just about everything that isnt Charlotte related.

That includes laundry.

I refused to acknowledge the growing pile of laundry in our room until Zach said to Charlotte

"Wow Charlottie, your laundry gets done everyday."

So I decided it was time to get started on it.

Three days later and Im finally beginning to emerge from the dirty laundry abyss that was supposed to be our dining area.

And I still have probably 2 loads left....ughhh.

Holy crow and Im still a student?!

That one totally slipped my mind...for two months.

Im supposed to be a certified paralegal by next month and I still have two classes to complete.

One called "Using Computers in the Law Office" which consists of that 1000 page book right there that is being overtaken by our abominable laundry monster.

I thought that was just going to be about learning different computer programs but noooo it breaks down what a computer is...literally and I think I could rebuild a computer by now.

Not only have I learned about all the things inside the computer that make it run but Ive learned about gigahertz, main memory, cache memory, optical character recognition, imaging, and what ROM and RAM actually mean.

Im only on chapter three...

Yikes.

Thankfully, my in-laws are angels sent from the Lord that watched the baby for us so we could go out on a date-twice.

Although it can be very easy to become overwhelmed by all that life consists of at the moment, Ive learned that it is so important to take time for each other.

And to have fun-

Which may include sleeping baby acrobatics...

(no one lose their lunch-I promise Zach is holding her. I just took the pic so it didn't look like it)

and dancing like a couple of freaks in our living room.

(that could possibly be me attempting the robot)

Happy Thursday!

An Overdue Birth Story (Part 2)

Looking at our perfect little girl we would have never guessed she would have ended up in the special care nursery hooked up to machines with tubes flowing from her and unable to breathe on her own...

The only thing we had on our minds was celebrating the birth of our new little love.
After such long, hard work, what better way to celebrate was there other than with FOOD?!



I had been told that food would be the furthest thing from my mind while I was in labor. However, towards the tail end of all that work I couldnt stop thinking about how I was going to finally get to hold Charlotte, sleep, and eat everything edible within an arms reach.

Does that make me a glutton?

Because let me tell you, hospital food never looked so good.

While we ate, Zach started giving me detailed descriptions of Charlotte's birth from his point of view.

I quickly stopped him. It was wayyyy too soon for that.

So we sat and enjoyed eachother.

We stared in awe at the little angel we had a hand it making.

By this point there had already been a couple of scares.

I had been GBS positive and I am allergic to penicilin (the antibiotics that would treat it) so Charlotte was completely unprotected as she passed through the birth canal.

Charlotte had miconium towards the end of my labor and they feared that she had swallowed some. When she came out she didnt really cry very well so she wasnt able to feed right away. She looked ok so they said they were just going to keep a close eye on her.

They also noticed that Charlotte's ears were shaped differently and they had an extra pit in them.

(You cant really see the extra pit in this ear)

They were afraid she was deaf.

I had zero concern. God had just carried me through 28 hours of natural labor and birth...He wasnt going to forsake us. I also knew my baby wasnt deaf because anytime I would drop something in the sink while I was pregnant, she would leap and give me a good kick in the ribs for scaring her.

So I wasnt afraid.

Notice my face?

 Its huge.

Those who followed my pregnancy pics know my face didnt get very big during my pregnancy. No one seemed to notice too much at the hopsital. But I had been asking (either towards the end of my pushing or right after Charlottes birth) "whats wrong with my face?"

They just told me it was a little bit of swelling, no worries.

I had been feeling a shooting pain up the right side of my neck, into my right cheek, and up into the right side of my head with every push.

May sound silly but, like my mother, I always consider the extreme bad things that could happen in situations. I was afraid I was having a stroke (go ahead you can laugh).

After I had little Charlotte in my arms I forgot all about that pain. Until I went to rub my face from being tired and it crackled.

Then I felt my chest, neck, cheeks, and head and it was all crackly.

I thought it was kind of funny. I didnt know what it was, I had never given birth before or been on an IV for that long. I thought it was just the swelling from the IV.

Then I had Zach feel it and of course it completely grossed him out. Neither of us thought anything of it though until I talked to my mom on the phone:

"Thats not normal, Alex. That never happened to me from IVs when I had you and Connor." She said. "You need to talk to the doctor about it."

I still wasnt very worried. Then Karissa walked me to the bathroom and I couldnt stand up straight at all. There was so much pressure in my chest that I had to remain hunched over. I thought it must have been normal though. I mean I had never had a baby before and didnt know what to expect.

Then Karissa told me the same thing- tell the doctor.

So I told the nurses and all they would say is "oh rice krispies."

Uhh last time I checked rice krispies were a tasty treat...not this nasty crunchiness in my body.

Then my doctor came in and started to explain to me that it was subcutaneous emphasema. Essentially, I had pushed so hard that I popped my lungs. The air had nowhere to go when I was pushing and there was so much pressure in my lungs that the air escaped them and entered my chest cavity, neck, face, and head.

I still wasnt very scared until she said that the surgeon was coming down to talk to me.

The surgeon reiterated what the doctor who had delivered me had said except he added a few things.

Things like pulminary embolism and torn esophagus.

Symptoms of a pulminary embolism included "difficulty breathing, chest pain on inspiration, and palpitations. Clinical signs included low blood oxygen saturation and cyanosis, rapid breathing, and a rapid heart rate."- Wikipedia

Well I had the difficulty breathing, chest pain, rapid breathing, and rapid heart rate.

"Severe cases of Pulminary Embolism can lead to collapse, abnormally low blood pressure, and sudden death."- Wikipedia

Ok, now I was scared.

Then, worst of all, he told me I wasnt allowed to eat or drink anything for the next 24 hours. They wanted to rule out a torn esophagus before I ate anything to insure that I didnt have food/drink leak into my chest cavity and cause infection.

I had just done the hardest work of my life for 28 hours and had only finished the cake on my lunch tray (of course) and now I wasnt allowed to eat or drink ANYTHING for another whole day?

I cried. Over the food part. Yes...Im serious.

They scheduled an EKG, chest xrays, and a gastroscopy.

I looked at Zach, full of worry and he tried to comfort me. God was in control and there was nothing to fret over. Something he would have to continue to remind me over the course of our long stay at the hospital.

They told us we had to stay in the labor and delivery room because they wanted to keep a close eye on me overnight.

The first test they ran was the EKG and that came back normal. Everything with my heart looked fine and they were no longer worried about the pulminary embolism. Praise God.

Then I had to have a chest xray. I was wheeled downstairs and the radiologist who was going to take my xray told me not to worry. He was sure that I didnt tear my esophagus, the doctors just wanted to be extra careful. So he made me drink the most disgusting stuff I ever tasted in my life. It wasnt barium, it was this clear liquid that burned like if I were drinking fingernail polish remover. This was safe for me to drink because it would be ok if it leaked into my chest cavity due to a torn esophagus. The liquid would light up in the xray and would show if there was any tearing.

There wasnt.

I was SO happy.

Maybe I could have something to drink now?!

Unfortunately, the surgeon still wasnt convinced (meaning I still couldnt eat or drink) and scheduled the gastroscopy for the next morning. He told me that hopefully they'd have me in by 8 am at the latest and if things looked ok I would be able to eat, if they didnt then I would have to be moved to another hospital for surgery.

Since the first xray looked good, they decided it was ok for the three of us to move up to the mother infant ward and Zach was so happy. We were finally able to get out of that tiny, cramped room and he was going to have his very own chair that pulled out into a bed.

We settled into our room and both Zach and Charlotte passed out.

I couldnt sleep for the life of me.

All I could think about was water. And gatorade...ooo grape gatorade...or grape soda.

I stayed up all night fantasizing about what I would eat and drink first and crying due to thirst (you'd think I had gone a week without water or something).

Finally, 8 o'clock rolled around. I still hadnt slept and the surgeon still wasnt there. He wasnt there at 9

or 10

or 11 either.

Apparently he wasnt too worried about me. At least not enough to hurry up but worried just enough to make me wait to eat or drink. (Keep in mind I'm nursing all the while)

The nurse came in and told me that the surgeon wasnt going to be able to do the gastroscopy that day and he was just going to have me do another chest xray instead. This time with the barium (horribly nasty but I confess I was so hungry that the weight of it felt nice in my stomach)

Everything came back fine again and I was allowed to eat at 3:30.

I was so excited and my sweet husband pulled out a bag of goodies he had bought for me while I wasnt allowed to eat.

He had listened to all the things I had said I wanted to eat and bought all of them.

Purple gatorade (mmm grape), mashed potatoes, yogurt covered pretzles, and chocolate.

I have such a great husband.

I went to town. Then they brought me a dinner tray and I went to town again.

We decided we were ready for our first guests and our good friends Candice and DJ came to meet baby Charlotte.

After a nice visit, we went to bed (only for a few minutes) with the good news that we would be taking our darling daughter home with us the next day singing in our ears.

Then around midnight, the nurse looked at us with a concerned look on her face while checking on Charlotte and said

"She's breathing really fast guys. Im going to call the pediatrition."

At three am the pediatrition came in and listened to her heart, her breathing, checked her reflexes, and then listened to her breathing again.

He kept listening for what seemed like forever and I watched anxiously.

He looked at me and began to whisper what that meant and what he wanted to do next. He informed me that rapid breathing in infants could be a sign of infection and that he wanted to move her down to the special care nursery.

I started crying and made him wake Zach up before he finished.

He told us about the tests he wanted to run on our little angel.

Blood work, xrays, catscans, heart tests,

a spinal tap to rule out meningitis.

He left the room to let Zach and I discuss what he had just told us and I broke down. I was so scared. They were going to take my sweet little baby to a different room while we had to stay upstairs. They were going to prick her with needles. She wasnt going to be allowed to eat...she had to stay on an IV. They were going to insert a needle into her spine and draw out spinal fluid.

It was going to hurt.

She wasnt going to understand why she was being hurt.

I wouldnt be able to be with her for all of it.

She would wonder where I went.

She would be scared.

I was scared.

Zach stayed sturdy as a rock through the conversation we had while the pediatrition was outside. I bawled. He looked at me with big eyes that were also filled with concern but any worries he had, he swept aside and reminded me "God has us, Alex. He loves Charlotte even more than we do and he will protect her. He has a plan." He knew he couldnt show his fear because I needed him to be strong so I could lean on him as we both leaned on God.

I confess...even though I knew God had a plan, a voice in the back of my mind whispered

but what if his plan is to take her home with Him already?

I prayed outloud.

I prayed over Charlotte and our circumstance.

Then we told the doctor we were ready to take her down to the special care nursery.

We held her for a while and then he told us we should go upstairs and try to sleep and that he would start the tests in the morning.

The next morning we went downstairs to see her. We held her and loved on her. We prayed some more.

Over the next few days she was poked and prodded.

Test after test was performed.

Her breathing didnt improve.

I didnt sleep.

I didnt eat.

For four days straight.

I was so sleep deprived that I began to hallucinate.

We would go down to see our baby and I felt like I barely even knew who she was because I had had no chance to bond with her.

I started to have panic attacks and the hospital began to feel like a prison of sorts.

Finally, some test results came back.

Everything was coming back negative.

Praise God.

They werent finding any sign of infection whatsoever and they told us if Charlotte was able to breath normally on her own without oxygen then she could go home the next day.

We went in the next morning and she was back on the IV and oxygen. She had only lasted a few hours on her own.

The staff for the weekend came in and one of the nurses told us about kangaroo care. She wanted us to do skin to skin therapy with Charlotte to see if that would help slow her breathing. She said this sort of affection and contact was better than any medicene there was.

We sat like that for hours on end. We would only leave to go to the bathroom or grab a drink or a snack and we'd only leave one at a time.

They ran a final test to rule out heart disease.

Her heart was perfect.

With the kangaroo care, we kept Charlotte's breathing down all day and she was able to go off of the oxygen and stay in our room with us for the night.

Our good friends Anthony and Lacee blessed us by bringing us pizza and homemade brownies and Zach, Charlotte and I kind of had a little party in our room.

That night we prayed and declared in faith that we were going to bring our baby home the next day.

And we did.

7 weeks later we are a happy little family with a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

Our experience, long, trying and exhausting as it was made us stronger and God used it to remind us that He is bigger than our circumstance.

An Overdue Birth Story (Part 1)

At 6:30 am on October 16th I was awakened by my first contraction. I wasnt for sure if it was the real deal or not so I tried to go back to sleep. After about 5 contractions coming at ten minutes apart, I started to get giddy. I laid in bed watching the clock and counting my contractions all the while trying to tell myself "theyre just more braxton hicks, dont get excited." When we got out of bed I told Zach I wasnt feeling very good, I was feeling a little achy and crampy, so I was going to stay home from church. I didnt want to say "Hey I think I'm in labor!" because I pretty much spent my whole third trimester thinking I was in labor, even making a few trips to labor and delivery, and hadnt been.

I didnt want to get any hopes up...again.

I tried to go back to bed but was unable to due to my growing excitement. Around 10 I texted my doula (like I had everyday for probably 3 days) and told her that I wasnt for sure but I was having pretty regular contractions so I could be in labor.

I decided to try and speed things up and went on a mile walk (it was more of a disgraceful waddle), pausing every ten minutes for contractions. I was getting strange glances from people going by as I stopped and put my hands on my knees huffing and puffing. When I got home I got in the tub and....my contractions stopped. I was so disappointed and texted my doula to tell her it was another false alarm.

This went on all day long. My contractions would start, stay consistent, and stop. After each break they would start up closer together and a little bit stronger. I got in the tub again and told Zach to pack his hospital bag because I had a feeling the baby was coming.

Around 5 or so, my doula came over. I was laying on blankets on my living room floor, in my swimming suit, shaking when she got there. I wasnt in a lot of pain but  we decided we would go ahead and go to the hospital.

By the time we got there my contractions had stopped again and I was feeling embarrassed for thinking I was in labor. The doctor checked me and I was only 2 cm dialated and 60% effaced and baby Charlotte had actually moved up out of my pelvis a little bit. He then told me I wasnt in active labor and that they wouldnt admit me.

Zach and I headed home and I kept appologizing for getting his hopes up. We decided the only thing to cure our dissappointment was Del Taco (to be regretted later).

I ate two tacos andddd my contractions started again.

This time 4 minutes apart and strong. Zach helped me labor in the living room for a couple hours and then he told me we needed to get up and walk to try to progress my labor. So we went out into our parking lot and did laps around the apartment complex. Everytime I had a contraction I would just stop and squat in the middle of the parking lot and he would squeeze my hips.I was definately some good entertainment and drawing more odd stares from concerned neighbors but at that point I didnt care about anything. I had sort of drawn into myself. I was in the beggining of what would be the deepest concentration of my life.

Around 10 or 11, I was on my hands and knees in our hallway in pain and I wasnt managing very well on my own. I remember hollering at Zach and saying "Call Karissa. I need Karissa." ( Karissa was my doula) Zach: "are you sure its the real thing?"  Me: "Call her. I. Need. Her. NOW!"

Thank God for Karissa.

When she got there I was starting to get a little out of control. I wasnt focusing or relaxing at all. The only thing I could think was "ouch ouch OUCH.'' A contraction started again and I started whimpering and she told me "No. Relax and focus. Say 'mmmmmaaaa' through  the contraction. Exhale and blow the pain away" So I did and things got so much easier. She helped me labor in different positions, squeezed my hips through contractions, rubbed my feet and back, and literally held me as I labored. Around 3 in the morning she told me it was time to head to the hospital.

When we got there, I was dialated to a 5, having steady contractions (that didnt stop this time thank goodness) and my water was leaking.

I was moved down to labor and delivery and we told the staff of my wishes. No epidural, no pitocin, no extra staff in the room, only intermittent monitoring, and the only way

I'd have a c section was if there were life threatening circumstances. To my surprise and as an answer to a lot of prayer, they were very supportive and even acted a little excited for my birth plan.

Then the real fun began

Zach almost did as much work as I did. He wasnt off the hook when Karissa got there, that's for sure. Although I didnt want to look at him, talk to him, or have anything at all to do with him during my labor, my love for him grew tremendously over those 24 hours. He stayed silently by my side and did whatever he could to help me.

He squeezed my hips through contractions.

He walked with me and held me when I needed him to. I didnt have to say anything, all I did was lift my arms and there he was with open arms, ready to hold me.

I'd whisper "water" and he'd bring me a drink.

I'd whisper "hot" and he would fan me.

He didnt say much but every now and then he'd look me in the eye and tell me with conviction "you're doing so good." I was too focused to respond but those words of encouragement could have moved mountains. Everytime he told me that, I thought to myself "Am I? Ok...Im doing good...I can do this. I can really do this."

A few hours passed and the midwife came to check me and I hadnt dialated at all but Charlotte had moved down to the 0 position. My heart sunk and I was filled with frustration. I had been working so hard to only be told "no progress with dialation!" She told me for the lack of progress I had made in so much time I should consider pitocin or the epidural but that she'd give me another hour or so to see how I did.

Karissa looked at me and said "dont get discouraged. You are doing so great. Baby Charlotte has moved down and that matters more than your dialation."

So with the strongest sense of determination, I labored on my hands and knees on the hospital bed. Karissa stood on it behind me while pulling on a sheet that was tied around my stomach to try to get me to contract harder and oh boy did it work. My contractions significantly intensified and I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. Through every contraction I prayed and let me just say that was the closest I have ever felt to God. I praised Him for the daughter He was about to give me and for the fact that in my weakness He was made stronger.

In an hour I progressed from a 5 to a 7 and was feeling the overwhelming urge to push. It was obviously too soon to push and fighting that urge was the hardest thing Ive ever done. Each contraction was making me gag and heave because I had to force my body to stop doing what it wanted to do naturally.

In another hour I progressed from a 7 to a 9.5 and was finally allowed to push.

...and push.

...and push.

...and push some more.

While I pushed, Zach got ready to help deliver his first born into the world.

Finally, after 28 total hours of labor and an hour and 45 minutes of the hardest physical work I have ever done in my life...

Baby Charlotte Zariah Klein entered the world weighing 7 pounds 11 ounces and 18.5 inches long.

Our lives were changed forever.



Everyone said we would fall in love instantly but no one could describe the overwhelming joy and unfathomable love that burst from both of our hearts when we saw that sweet face for the first time.

I will never forget the look in Zach's eyes. One of love, passion, pride, joy, awe, and one that showed the instinctual protection of a father.

After 24 hours of wanting pure silence, I couldnt shut up.

"Thats my baby! Oh thank you Jesus! Thats MY baby. She's beautiful. You're beautiful. Oh my gosh you're the most beautiful baby Ive ever seen! Isnt she gorgeous?!"

It was the most beautiful, wonderful, raw, and intense experience of my life.

It was the perfect natural labor that I had hoped for and to be honest, it didnt even hurt as bad as I thought it would.

I was able to relish in the greatest accomplishment Id ever made for a couple short hours...

Then, things took a downhill turn...