Deployment

Charlotte and I watched Zach leave last Thursday.



Watching him leave was difficult, knowing it would be 7 months before we saw him again.

Knowing that by the time he got back Charlotte could possibly be walking.

Knowing she could be talking.

Knowing she would have a personality of her own.

(Knowing I'd be in awesome physical shape)

And knowing that he would have to miss all of it.

Since he left, Charlotte has already learned how to pick things up with her hands.

And put them in her mouth of course.

It was also difficult realizing that I would be missing my other half.

My best friend and parnter in life that helps me through day to day.

The man that leads our family, makes the hard decisions, and takes Charlotte from me when he gets home so that I can enjoy a long hot shower alone.

I was realizing that I was going to have to be momma and dadda at the same time.

Thankfully, I am blessed with such great family who is helping me complete the job of playing both roles.



So now we do things like make care packages for daddy to help us feel close to him.

We are living Skype date to Skype date,

all the while trusting God to keep the most important man in both of our lives safe from harm.

"May the LORD keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other."

Genesis 31:49

Let the Sleep Training Begin

While I was pregnant, I read "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.

Well I read most of it anyways. But like most books lately, I never finished it.

I read enough to get the just of it and I was set on following what it taught.

 Of course I knew everything about everything before Charlotte got here. I mean that's usually how it works, right? People without kids know the most about how to raise them...and then they get here and things aren't exactly like expected.

At least that's how it was for me. 

I remember my Doctor talking about how if her last child had been her first she never would have had any more. She said she spent hours on end throughout the night bouncing on her exercise ball because that was the only way her baby would stop crying and go to sleep. She said that she bounced on her ball throughout her third trimester so when her daughter was born, the movement was familiar and soothing to her.

Well I had a lot to say about that (only to Zach though). 

"No wonder her baby was a nightmare...she got her into the habit of needing to be bounced to sleep! If she just would have let her cry and put her in her own bed she would have learned to soothe herself."

Because I knew everything about raising babies before Charlotte got here.

Then she got here...

Insert foot in mouth.

...and I said forget what Gary and Robert said in their book!  They don't know how sad her little face is and how heart wrenching that cry can be!

Seriously, its sad! Who wouldn't want to go grab a baby with a face like that out of her crib when she's crying?

Turns out my doctor was right when she told me that if I bounced on my ball a lot while I was pregnant then Charlotte would love it. I spent my third trimester on that ball bouncing and rolling my hips trying to get her to move down lower into my pelvis.

We came home from the hospital and one night Charlotte just wouldn't stop wailing so we broke out the exercise ball.

And...she stopped...mid cry. As soon as the bouncing started she hushed.

When our family came to visit even they took turns bouncing her.

So we have spent the past two months of our lives on that ball. Bouncing and bouncing.

Until last night.

Around 7 last night Charlotte was fussing and just could not keep her eyes open. So Zach and I decided to swaddle her and put her to bed to try to get her to start going to sleep sooner than 11.

Naturally, she woke up as soon as I laid her down in her bed and started fussing. I started to go into her room to grab her and bounce her to comfort her but Zach stopped me and said we needed to start sleep training her.

I agreed.

Well fussing turned into crying, crying into sobbing, and sobbing became hysterical and oh my goodness I have never had my heart hurt so bad in my life!

I kept saying "but Zach she's sad! She wants me. She just wants me to hold her."

He told me she was fine she just wanted to be bounced to be put to sleep and she needed to learn to soothe herself...sounded like something I thought I knew so much about before she got here.

That went on for about 10 minutes and I went in to check her diaper. She was wet so I changed her. I swaddled her again and I confess I bounced up and down for a few minutes just because I had to for my comfort.

I laid her back down and the hysterics started again.

I tried to eat dinner but just sat there listening to her for what felt like eternity. 

I kept looking at Zach for him to tell me "ok go get her" but he would just shake his head 'no' at me.

Finally the crying stopped.

She did it! She put herself to sleep!

I was still traumatized until Zach pointed out that all it took her was 5 minutes, not the hours it seemed to take.

So we spent the evening just hanging out and doing what every cool couple does-

Rock, Paper, Scissors competition! 

Zach won but I'm convinced he's a cheater somehow.

And Charlotte slept...and slept...and slept.

She woke up at two this morning to eat and have a diaper change and then again at 6 but didn't get up for the day until 8.

I must admit, it was a pretty good go for the first night...

 So now to see if it sticks. It's not that I don't think Charlotte can put herself to sleep, she clearly can.

It's a matter of if I can stay strong enough to let her.

Since Ive Been a Mom

Ive kind of lost my sense of self. 

I feel like this sweet, little bebe and I are one.

And let me tell you, thats not a bad thing.

She's the sweetest, cutest, funniest, best little baby girl that ever existed.

Granted, I could be a little bias.

For the past two months my days and nights have been filled with butt wiping, bathing, feeding, rocking, bouncing, patting, kissing, washing diapers,swaddling, and lots of conversations that go:

"Hiiiiii Charlottttee! Wow that was a nice, big poopie you just made! I bet that feels better! Good job!"

I never thought I would find myself cheering a baby on while she pooped, but here I am doing just that!

Ive also lost my memory.

I started dishes and then the baby woke up...so of course I left the water running.

I forget just about everything that isnt Charlotte related.

That includes laundry.

I refused to acknowledge the growing pile of laundry in our room until Zach said to Charlotte

"Wow Charlottie, your laundry gets done everyday."

So I decided it was time to get started on it.

Three days later and Im finally beginning to emerge from the dirty laundry abyss that was supposed to be our dining area.

And I still have probably 2 loads left....ughhh.

Holy crow and Im still a student?!

That one totally slipped my mind...for two months.

Im supposed to be a certified paralegal by next month and I still have two classes to complete.

One called "Using Computers in the Law Office" which consists of that 1000 page book right there that is being overtaken by our abominable laundry monster.

I thought that was just going to be about learning different computer programs but noooo it breaks down what a computer is...literally and I think I could rebuild a computer by now.

Not only have I learned about all the things inside the computer that make it run but Ive learned about gigahertz, main memory, cache memory, optical character recognition, imaging, and what ROM and RAM actually mean.

Im only on chapter three...

Yikes.

Thankfully, my in-laws are angels sent from the Lord that watched the baby for us so we could go out on a date-twice.

Although it can be very easy to become overwhelmed by all that life consists of at the moment, Ive learned that it is so important to take time for each other.

And to have fun-

Which may include sleeping baby acrobatics...

(no one lose their lunch-I promise Zach is holding her. I just took the pic so it didn't look like it)

and dancing like a couple of freaks in our living room.

(that could possibly be me attempting the robot)

Happy Thursday!